I am a question-asker by nature. Even when I was quite young, I had to know the whys and hows and what-ifs. But there are answerless questions that haunt me at night. These are the sorts of riddles that philosophers have spent ages pondering over with no success. To be honest, we may never have satisfactory answers, but that mustn’t stop us from asking:
1. If seedless watermelons don’t have seeds, what do they grow from?
2. Why does Spanish have an “H” if it makes no sound?
3. If machines are used to make other machines, where did the first machines come from? For example, machinists use lathes, boring mills, and drill presses to create parts for use in automobiles. Who made the lathes, boring mills, and drill presses? And who made the parts for the machines that make the lathes, boring mills, and drill presses? How did the first machine come about if there were no machines to make it with? Do they grow in nature? Is there a drill press bush somewhere in the Belgian Congo?
4. Why do all of the marshmallows in Lucky Charms migrate to the top of the package? My first bowl is half marshmallow and half cereal; by the end, I’m lucky to get a marshmolocule. Does General Mills do this on purpose so I’m desperate to get a new box?
5. Is every FreeCell game winnable? Do I just suck at playing it?
6. What does mercury taste like?
7. Why do people “protest” retarded things? Take poverty, for example. Why would anybody take time out of his schedule to protest that? It’s not as if some group is going to form a counter protest in favor of poverty. Geez, what’s next? Protesting child abuse? Picketing against punching old ladies? Whom are you trying to convince?
8. Why are English speakers (British, American, Australian, etc.) generally able to speak with different accents, but it’s so much more difficult for people from Asia and Africa? If Hugh Laurie can pull off an American accent, why can’t Jackie Chan?
9. Why don’t photojournalists put down the camera and help people during catastrophes? “Hm? I’m taking pictures…No, you’re fine; you just keep pullin’ people outta the rubble…um, no, I can’t put down my camera and help. Geez, what a schmuck.”
10. How does Braille help blind people in public places? I always see Braille lettering on elevator signs and numbers, but how are blind people supposed to know where to “look”? And (here’s my favorite) why do banks put Braille on their drive-through ATM machines? There simply aren’t that many licensed blind people.
(In case you’re wondering, the title is from my early childhood, when I asked my mother what she would do if there were a gorilla in the living room. I don’t know what prompted me to ask that question, but I sincerely hope that, one day, I’ll be in a position to answer it.)
